Part IV: Staying Positive in a Negative World

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Introduction
How does one stay positive in a negative, imperfect world? To do so, one must start by coming into reconciliation with negativism and imperfection. Peace is not an inherent quality of imperfection. That is why those who constantly try to make their life situation perfect live in unrest. The desire to live in peace and a state of positivism often conflicts with the need for absolute perfection particularly in an imperfect world of imperfect human beings.

For example, in our daily various endeavors more often than not, we face a lot of hindrances and oppositions and end up feeling like we have fought a lost battle. When such unsatisfactory situations overwhelm us, we lose contentment and gratefulness, and the result is discouragement and dissatisfactions.

Negativism is not meant to be part of our being. Instead we get allured to and ensnared by it through our thoughts and deeds. This happens when we get preoccupied with the affairs of others and constantly compare ourselves to someone else and thus invite negativity in our life. If someone's looks, behavior, or how they live their life is paramount in your thoughts then you are being pulled away from kindness and gentleness and drawn towards negativism.

Negativism attacks us when we focus only on what is wrong with life and in life regardless of our attempts to accomplish. Just because something is not totally perfect does not mean that we cannot still enjoy them and live our life to its fullest. Discovering the positive side of life helps to uncover the perfections that preexisted therein.

"As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes" (Psalm 103:15).

What is the remedy to get rid of negativism?

A. Develop Compassion

"And the LORD passed before him and proclaimed, 'The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth'" (Exodus 34:6).

Compassion for others is something every Christian needs to feel and possess. It is acquired by putting yourself in someone else's shoe taking the focus off of yourself, your family, your family’s needs, and your personal thoughts. By taking the "you" out of the scenario, and instead of harboring negative thoughts about another person, you will be able to look at "their" options in life and benefit from them. It will help us come to understand that they too have the same problems, life worries, and circumstances.

Mark Minucius Felix (c. 200) wrote, "Know that all persons are born alike, with a capacity and ability of reasoning and feeling—without preference of age, sex, or class."

Compassion is something you develop over time and with concentrated, conscious effort. It is a call to action and change in thinking. When practiced over time, other people will matter more. The value of what you can do lies not in its material price but in the act of your doing it.

Mother Teresa, renowned for her philanthropic work and her great compassion, said; "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do small things with great love."

With compassion we will feel positively about our service and our worth as children of promise. We sow seeds of compassion that grow and beget more seeds of compassion.

"But yet a tenth will be in it, and will return and be for consuming, as a terebinth tree or as an oak, whose stump remains when it is cut down. So the holy seed shall be its stump" (Isaiah 6:13).

B. Evaluate Things Against Time

Ask yourself "will it matter a year from now?" In the Old Testament holy Book of Ecclesiastes, the wise King Solomon said "And further, my son, be admonished by these. Of making many books there is no end, and much study is wearisome to the flesh" (Ecclesiastes 12:12). Sacred history seems to agree with the text in question, inasmuch as none of the saints composed numerous overwhelming volumes of works, or set for his views in a number of voluminous books (Origen c. 228).

Life is not "more is better". Life is not quantity unending, a constant emergency nor a constant problem to be solved.

When approaching a negative situation, ask yourself whether it would matter a year from now; whether it is so earth shattering to require so much upheaval or whether I am making it more important than it really is.

Most of the time candid answers to these questions will reveal the true, transient, trivial nature of things. After sometime the significance of all problems, be it an argument with a church member or family member, a work-related conflict of interest, or a flat tire will fade away. Therefore, why give any problem a negative connotation and make it outlast a rechargeable battery?

Ask yourself the question: "Am I adding to the potential problem or taking away from it?"

Chances are a year from now you are not going to care or even remember the details of the problematic situation. Laugh at yourself when you take things far too seriously. Instead of using that energy to be upset and hold angry grudges drop that feeling of being overwhelmed, get past the obstacle of your unhappiness and spend time in prayer and meditation. Such practices will certainly make you feel nearer to the uplifting nature of the Heavenly life.

"Life is not fair". An often heard cliché that is a well known established fact that we need to accept. However, our interactions with each other should be fair although life itself is not, does not have to and will never be fair. Children often spontaneously repeat the expression, "it is not fair". We should pick up from there and teach them that Heaven but not the world is fair and perfect. If we accept that life is not fair and will never be, then we will not feel sorry for ourselves at every opportunity presented to us. In facing challenges, we need to do our best; and while we do the best we can, we should allow a different HAND, a Heavenly Perfect Hand, to deal with what we cannot.

When life is not fair we should be encouraged to do our best to improve our own lives or the world as a whole. But, to feel pity is wrong. Pity is a self defeating emotion. Replace it with compassion. Compassion for others and for your situation will move you to action.

C. Praise and Blame: Are They the Same?

"Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God" (Romans 15:7).

This is an old, very true saying that praise and blame are two sides of the same coin. You will never be able to please all the people all the time. Most of us struggle with the fact that we cannot please others all the time. Everyone has their own set of ideas, needs, and their own evaluation of what is good in life. So why does it surprise us that we are not pleasing to everyone?

The sooner we accept not being able to secure the approval of everyone we encounter the happier we will become. The more positive our outlook on life will take hold.

One day a child thinks her mother is the very best mother for reading her a story; another day she does not understand why she must keep her room clean. A father goes to work and wins the approval of his boss for his creativity but upsets a co-worker whose idea went unnoticed. Abouna asks you to teach Sunday School and someone says it is because they have no one else.

All these are unnecessary meaningless words, that make no impact on anyone or anything. These are triggers to negativism. Ignore them and do not let your peace be taken by someone who are miserable themselves and trying to spread misery.

D. Practice Humility

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up" (James 4:7-10).

"However some will say, 'Are there not among you some who are poor and others who are rich? Are not some servants and others masters? Is there not some difference between individuals? There is none. Nor is there any other cause why we mutually bestow upon each other the name of brothers, except that we believe ourselves to be equal. We measure all human things by the spirit, not by the body. Although the condition of our bodies is different, yet we have no servants. For we both regard and speak of them as brothers in spirit and as fellow servants in religion. Therefore in lowliness of mind, we are on equality: the free with the slaves and the rich with the poor.

Nevertheless, in the sight of God we are distinguished only by virtue. The person who has conducted himself not only as an equal but even as an inferior he will plainly obtain a much higher rank of dignity in the judgment of God" (Lactantius c. 304).

Humility requires practice and concentration especially when confronting those who constantly seek to rob you of your positive attitude. Athenagoras (c. 175) teaches, "What, then, are the teachings in which we Christians are brought up? 'I say to you, Love your enemies; bless those that curse you. Pray for those who persecute you.'" ...And do it with a smile.

Humility and inner peace go hand in hand. A humble person does not need to prove themselves to others. Humility and calmness impact the soul with peace. Trying all the time to convince others of our correct point of view takes a great deal of energy especially when we are always met with opposition. Sometimes it requires bragging about ourselves in order to convince people of our worth and to sway them to adopt our ways. Who wants to expend this amount of energy over matters that many times are trivial in themselves? Ask yourself "will it earn me a Heavenly reward?"

Have you ever noticed that the more you attempt to prove yourself to others, the more they avoid you? Those who always think they are right, have the best of everything, are never wrong encourage resentment.

People are drawn to those with a quiet inner confidence whose actions not words speak for them. Some think they will be taken advantage of if they do not stand up for their feelings. Most of the time it is not important who is right and who is not right. Neither is direly important.

"Are you elevated by nobility of birth? Do you praise your parents? Yet, we are all born with one lot; it is only by virtue that we are distinguished" (Mark Minucius Felix c. 200).

E. Mind Your Own Business

"For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?" (I Corinthians 3:3).

When you concern yourself with other people’s trivial matters, it becomes impossible to pursue peace as a goal. Do you frequently say "If I were in their place, I would not have done that," or "I can't believe they actually did that," or "What could she be thinking about when she did that?"

Ask yourself why do you want to be bothered with deeds that did not cause harm to another? Ask yourself why do you want to be bothered with trivial things that do not affect godliness? Minding your own business proves complex at times. It's about knowing and understanding when to help and when to leave a matter alone. Are you the type of person that needs to jump in and rescue a daughter or a son when a lesson needs to be learned? Did your son spend his allowance for the month before the month was up and you say "that's ok here's $20" rather than remaining in silence and allowing the consequences? What lesson did you teach your son by not minding your own business and minding his?

Minding your own business and staying proactive are important in enhancing positivism. A biblical example is Joseph the son of Jacob who refused to comply with the lust of his master’s wife, shunning her allurements and her threats. Other instances of such behavior include staying away from gossip, talking behind others' backs and trying to figure out other people. When a new member comes to your church, they are likely to be anxious, shy and worried. As a result they may fall into some mistakes. Do you try to help them when you see them in need of any help or do you immediately occupy yourself with their attunes analyzing every move they take, sizing them up or down according to your personal preferences and finally determining their background?

F. Focus Your Attention Where It Is Relevant and Profitable

"For this One has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses, inasmuch as He who built the house has more honor than the house. For every house is built by someone, but He who built all things is God" (Hebrews 3:3-4).

What is really important? Overwhelmed people are tempted to forget what’s really important. Too many responsibilities and goals per day blur the clear vision to priorities. A person needs to spend energy in the most effective and important things. Reducing the momentum of hurry and speed and taking time to examine what is realistic and making a list of what needs to be done for the day may help. Certainly rushing out the door for work or school, getting everywhere late and later, losing your patience, and skipping meals conflict with the Godly day. It also creates a negative feeling about the work accomplished.

"Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements? Surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? To what were its foundations fastened? Or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy? 'Or who shut in the sea with doors, when it burst forth and issued from the womb; when I made the clouds its garment, and thick darkness its swaddling band; when I fixed My limit for it, and set bars and doors; when I said, 'This far you may come, but no farther, and here your proud waves must stop!' 'Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place''" (Job 38:4-12).

Now that puts relevance into perspective...

G. Live This Day to Its Fullest

Tertullian C. 200 taught..."The stars too will fall from Heaven...the mountains will melt like wax. Even the sea will be no more. Now if any person were to go so far as to suppose that all these passages should be figuratively interpreted, he will still be unable to deprive them of the true fulfillment of those issues that must come to pass, just as they have been written. For figurative speech necessarily arises out of realities."

The Holy Bible does not tell us when we will depart, but it does tell us we will certainly die. Here are some questions that may serve as a check list. At the end of each day, ask yourself:

Have you done those things today which would be considered important for your tomorrow’s salvation, positive things that really matter?
Did you read the Holy Bible with your children?
Do they know the story of Esau and Jacob?
Do they understand how important it is to be fair, honest, accept the differences of each other and love each other as siblings?
Does your wife and children know the story of Leah the unfavored one? While she was not the most beautiful, the most loved nor the youngest, she was blessed by God with more sons than the most beautiful, most loved and younger wife.
Did you pray today as a family and ask God to guide you through your day?
Did you give all honor and glory to God on this day for the positive things in your life?
Did you do a kind act at work or school? Or did you follow the same routine like everybody else whether at work or fun? What positive outcome will you let the sun go down upon today?
What distinguishes you as a child of God this day? The day God Himself has given unto you?

Summary
We are called alike as children of God and as children of promise. God does not judge us by outward appearance or circumstance.

"But from those who seemed to be something—whatever they were, it makes no difference to me; God shows personal favoritism to no man—for those who seemed to be something added nothing to me" (Galatians 2:6).

How we chose to live, whether with a positive or negative attitude, is up to us.

"Although no one is able to speak with certainty of God the Father, it is nevertheless possible to gain some knowledge of Him by means of the visible creation and the natural feelings of the human mind; moreover, it is possible for such knowledge to be confirmed from the sacred Scripture" (Origen c. 225).

We must strive to gain peace and positivism regarding any and all situations in life. Negative feelings must not be allowed to control our thoughts:

"If we all derive our origin from one man whom God created, we are clearly of one blood. Therefore it must be considered the greatest wickedness to hate a man—even if he is guilty...For if we are all animated and enlivened by one God what else are we than brothers" (Lactantius c. 304).

Bishop Youssef
Bishop, Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States