What About teens?

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"I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in the darkness, but have the light of life" (John 8:12).

It is very important that parents start during the child's early years to teach him and guide him through love, obedience and discipline to

Have a positive attitude toward life
Have positive relationships with all family members
Learn how to choose wisely
Develop problem solving
Develop an interest in a hobby
Establish the habit of reading
Be humble enough to listen to other opinions

Once most of the children enter middle school, they gradually change and that is where the teenage years begin. Some of their characteristics are

Arguing with their parents
Demanding more independence
Dominated by peer relationship
Worry about being accepted and loved
Emotionally controlled by hormones
Start questioning parents (values, authority, and rules)

It is one of the most difficult periods parent have to face, because our world back then was completely different from the way it is today. Our children now have to face challenging issues such as

Growing up with too many electronic devices: TV, Internet, cell phone...

Which leaves them no time for
- Sitting in silence (reading, meditating...)
- Family conversation (quality time, advices...)
- Examining oneself
The pressure of sex is everywhere: in school, among peers, chat rooms, in music, also in the mall (clothing, cosmetics, etc.)
Alcohol and drug abuse
Teens with broken families
Different values and beliefs
Worries of being accepted among groups

"Hear my voice, O God, in my meditation preserve my life from fear of the enemy" (Psalm 64:1).

The question now is why are teens starting to isolate themselves from their parents and find comfort in their peers?

They think parents are clueless about what is going on in their life and their everyday surroundings.
They fear that their parents might be judgmental of them.
They do not like their parents to lecture them, without the parents even listening to them.
They are trying to protect their parents from freaking out about what goes on in their daily life.
They worry that parents might intervene and try to fix their problems.

What should the parents do to break this wall between them and their teens?

Be open with your teen about your feelings, and how you love him unconditionally and follow these steps

Tell him that you are willing to listen to him without preaching or judging
Tell him that your relationship with him is very important to you
Ask him if you are doing anything to discourage him from talking to you

Let him talk and show him how genuinely you are listening and ask him what he thinks. This will help you to

Maintain open communications with him
Learn about his feelings and values
Get the opportunity to give him sound guidance

"Hear a just cause, O Lord, attend to my cry; give ear to my prayer that is not from deceitful lips" (Psalm 17:1).

What can parents do for their teen to have a positive relationship?

Pray for your teen everyday and ask God to
- Protect him from evil things
- Give him wisdom and strength
- Help you to guide and support him
Pray together
- At meal time
- As a family project
- Attend church
Set rules together and be clear about consequence
- Appropriate behavior at (home, school, church...)
- Curfew
- Motor vehicle
- House responsibilities
Encourage him to volunteer with the family. This will help you to
- Spend quality time together
- Teach him to care for other not only for himself
- Develop positive attitude
Get to know his friends and make sure they have the right attitude and are a good influence on him
Encourage him to participate in church and school activities
Discuss with your teen your views on sex, drugs, and alcohol
Enforce respect (do not allow screaming in the house) and try to have calm discussions between family members
Find time to spend together as a family and also one on one, in order to have fun together
Look for a teachable moment and ways to give advice
Apologize when you lose your temper or judge too quickly
Attend teen activities and special events (sports, playing...)
Pay attention to his school work and find a way to help him succeed

"Keep me as the apple of Your eye; hide me under the shadow of Your wings" (Psalm 17:8).

Finally parents, remember your teens are moving gradually from childhood to adulthood, so you need to be well prepared to help him/her grow and make wise decisions. And remember to say I love you and I am proud of you from time to time. And some day, you and him/her will look back and smile.

Written by
Nagwa Abdou