Q&A Home > R > Repentance

I think I am having trouble being committed to living a life of true repentance. I was previously living a lifestyle of sin that was destroying nearly every aspect of my life. This also had an impact on my spiritual life and spiritual understanding. Yet, even with this, I am still having the problem of completely letting go of my previous sins. I may not be committing the acts, but I do feel like I "miss" it and have the desire to go back. I allow myself to have lustful thoughts about it very frequently, which I know brings me closer to going back to committing these sins again. God has showed me how much my old actions have negatively impacted my life in a major way, and I am still dealing with the consequences now because of my past sins. Regardless of this, I still feel that I want to go back to my sinful ways. I really feel that once I can completely break free of these sins, I will be able to grow spiritually, and possibly, the sufferings in my life that have resulted from this sin will pass. However, I am just having so much difficulty with this. I feel that what I need is a clean heart, ("Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Psalm 50:15). Isn't this something only God can do in us? What can I do to receive this from the Lord?

The key to overcoming the struggles associated with the remembrance of previous sins is to concentrate on God's mercy during those times of darkness. The devil tries to pull the ploy of nostalgia of the former days, and as it was with Lot's wife, to look back on what was, but not for the sake of thanking God for what is, but rather for missing the sins of the past and the former life. Whenever you look back, think of where God met you on this dark road and all the steps he put in place to lead you out of the mess of coldness and despair. The more you do this, the less trouble you will have when thoughts of the past come to mind, for you will have conjured a more realistic meaning to confront your former ways and developed a new meaning for your renewed life and for your future with the Lord. Each of us needs to ask God to renew our hearts every day, not only for the gross sins which hold one captive, but for every sin that is disappointing to the Lord. Do not lose heart, but remain committed to your new life in Christ, as one who had once been diagnosed with a terminal illness, but was suddenly declared to be cleared of that debilitating disease. Who would long for the days of nausea, aches, pains, vomit, fevers, needles, and bodily dysfunctions? Such is the malady of sin, a spiritual cancerous field of destruction, nothing for which you ought to yearn. Your liberty is in Christ through the Holy Sacraments of the Church.