What Governs Your Attitude and Perspective

"Attitudes are self-created. You are free to be victimized by circumstances, or people, or you can choose to look at life with an open mind and be victorious. No one else can choose your attitude for you. Your perspective and choice of attitude gives you the POWER to be in control. That is the essence of true freedom."

----Irene Dunlap----

In this article we will explore how attitudes develop and what governs the young adult behavior. First a psychological, research based approach will be taken to answer these questions. Following this, the Church viewpoint on how to meet the goals for the young adult will be detailed and the reader can examine for himself the similiarites in goals and objectives. Most experts agree that the young adult has five basic needs in life. Let's identify each one and briefly discuss the individual needs associated with it.

The first need is that of CONTACT. Contact encompasses the young adult's need to belong. In the beginning of life to the young adult stage, contact with mom and dad helps the growing child to develop a sense of belonging in the family structure. Only with the self-confidence, self-esteem, and courage, that grow out of this "belonging" can a youth make positive contact outside of the family unit. During the teen years friends become very important. A question to ask yourself is "Are they more important than my family?" "When do I go out with the family and when do I go out with my friends?" These are questions you begin to ask yourself often. Do not allow this to become a testing ground within the family dynamics. It is at this point that teenagers should come to the realization that brothers and sisters as trying as they may be at times, are actually their "best" friends and will be for life.

Example: Sameh's desire to wear an earring may have been prompted by his goal of contact. If the other guys in the group were wearing an earring, he may have felt it was more important to belong with his peers than to listen to the objections of his family.

The second need is that of POWER. Each one of us wants to influence our surroundings, culture, and environment. A desire to have some control over it is natural. We want things to go our way and our way only. We want to have the power that makes things happen. If we learn to use this power correctly and wisely our self-esteem increases and we thrive. Look at Bishop Youssef's article on David and Goliath and the POWER within David. In "After God's Own Heart" the Israelites had seen Goliath for forty days and could not muster enough power to defeat him with an army. David on the forty-first day of Goliath's challenge, his first day to see him, had enough POWER within him to slay the giant with a single stone. Young adults have a heightened sense of POWER. The intellectual thought has become more powerful and you can now consider "what might be" as opposed to only "what is." To use this skill without thought could prove to be dangerous to those beginning to use it. One without thought could become a social critic of mom and dad, Church and priest, etc. Do you correct your parents English in front of others and think this makes you look the smarter? Do you criticize the Church as old-fashioned or the priest as too strict? Do you argue for arguements' sake?

Example: Most teenagers believe they should have the power to look and dress as they choose.

Thirdly, the need is for PROTECTION. Personal identity is taking shape. A teenager will go to great lengths to protect his "sense of self." One of the most courageous things a young adult can do is what they really want to do, when its also what their parents want. It is ok not to be exactly like your parents but you are required to abide by the rules. A question you may ask yourself is "What do I do? I am suppose to attend both Vespers and soccer practice tonight."

The fourth goal for teenagers is WITHDRAWAL. The wisdom to know when its best to withdraw from danger and when it is right to go ahead and take a stand is difficult to acquire. Teenagers who are long on the desire to meet a challenge, but short on experience are going to make some mistakes. You may go along with the crowd when you should have withdrawn. Reckless risks may be taken such as drinking alcohol and driving. There are many ways to learn from these mistakes. Repentence and confession will emphasize to you the need to withdraw. It's ok to withdraw to your own space, such as your room if the need arises.

Example: It's doubtful Sameh's earring accomplishes the goal of withdrawal. However, he may choose to withdraw later to think about his decision and whether taking a stand against his parents is worth it.

Lastly, the fifth goal is CHALLENGE. This goal is strongest during the young adult years. Challenge marks the transition from child to an adult. This goal measures how well you are succeeding from dependence to independence. If you are thrill seeking, finding that you are taking many reckless risks, then you have negatively completed this goal.

This marks the end of the theory discussion and now you must answer the question, "As a young adult, do you find yourself growing with satisfaction? What are your goals? Spiritually, what is your attitude? What is your spiritual perspective on life?

Let's examine these spiritual questions before we move on:
To what extent do you progress in your prayers?
Do you pray from all your heart and with feeling?
Do you find JOY in praying or feel bored and not concentrate on what's going on?
Do you pray with the Psalms of the Agepeya with pleasure or as habit?
Do your prayers end as fast as possible or do you take your time until you feel satisfied and full of peace and consolation?
When you fast do you fast with JOY or feel tired and bored?
Does it nourish your spiritual life? Do you feel you take the Lord Christ within you at Communion?
Do you read your Bible daily?

How you answer these questions, asked by a very wise man, is an individual matter. Think on these things and ask yourself:

Do I perform as I should and want to?
How do I find the energy and effort to achieve what I should earthly and spiritually?
The answer to these questions is by strengthening your WILL and FAITH. By your will and faith you can answer all these questions positively.

In the book, "Topics for Christian Youth," are many ways in which youth can be instructed to develop a strong, postive will. Faith in a strong goal begins the list. Decide what your goal is in life and always seek those high goals. The harder the struggle the more it will impact your life. Keep your faith in God foremost. The Bible tells us, "A just man falls seven times and rises up again."(Proverbs 24:16) The number seven here refers to perfection. Meaning that no matter how many times we may fall, we should never lose hope. The Bible says this so that we should never be in dispair. To achieve any success we should overcome our weak natures and never give up. Due to our weaknesses, we must be determined to succeed, regardless of the obstacles and never give up, always depending on the Lord's grace.

The starting point is the most important step and often the hardest. You need to start and never go back. Phillipians 3:13 tells us, "One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind me and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. The Lord Jesus said, "No one, having put his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62) Next, face failure courageously. If you fall, get up. You can gain your POWER by continuous struggle. How often we learn from our mistakes when we know the cause of our mistakes and try to avoid them. God will not ask us why we sinned but rather why we did not repent.

Discipline is a necessity. There are many youth who do not need a strong will as much as discipline. Their will cannot be fulfilled because of lack of discipline. A smart student has to organize his time. He does not finish studying his courses all at one time. A Christian in his spiritual struggle does not get rid of all his sins all at once. He has to start by getting rid of his one favorite sin and try to remove it from his thoughts and life. If we become burdened God tells us, "Come unto Me all ye that labor and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) Always replace a bad habit with a good one.

Liberate your will from fear. You should never fear people, failure, or the future. Fear leads to anxiety and worry. "If God be with us, who is against us?" It was said to St Athanasius, "All the world is against you," He answered, "With God's grace, I am against the world." If you face your difficulties, you begin to find the solutions. St Makarius said, "You are God's servant, do not depend on someone else." You must have self-conviction. Have a saint as a role model. St Moses the Black represents a good role model for repentence. "You have been faithful to me over a few things, I will make you ruler over many." (Matthew 25:23) After choosing a role model, build in yourself security. Be steadfast, have tempered nerves, and a secured soul.

A story from the history books is as follows.......

Timorlink, a great hero, was about to surrender to the enemy who exceeded him in number. He looked around and saw an ant carrying a huge seed. Every time it rose, it fell again. It never gave up its attempts until it succeeded in carrying that huge seed, about eighty-six times. Timorlink returned to battle with a rejuvenated spirit and won! He said, "The ant has taught me how to be steadfast in difficult situations." (Anba Bishoy, l987, pp. 38-41)

Re-examine the spiritual questions in your heart. Move forward in your life. Feel the Joy and Happiness only found in the Lord Christ's Love. Always remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phillipians 4:13)